Greg Schwem

Biography

Standup comedian. Nationally syndicated humor columnist. Author. Motivational speaker. Put them all together and you have Greg Schwem. Dubbed "king of the hill in the world of corporate comedy" by the Chicago Tribune, major corporations and business associations consistently turn to Greg for laughs -- in good and bad economic times. Clients such as Microsoft, Cisco, General Motors, IBM, and McDonald`s have invited Greg to share his hilarious views on technology and today`s business environment, courtesy of his presentation, "Comedy With a Byte." Greg delivers with observations on topics such as Blackberry abuse, social network overload, never-ending conference calls, "frequently" asked questions, text messaging addiction and home office workers.

A graduate of Northwestern University`s prestigious Medill School of Journalism, Schwem never envisioned a career in comedy. Instead, he settled in Florida, becoming an award-winning reporter for NBC-owned WPTV in West Palm Beach. But the comedy bug bit Schwem hard and he returned to his hometown of Chicago, where he honed his act in nightclubs. When he began inserting material about business and technology into his act, audience members approached him and said, "You really should come down to my office and tell those jokes." Behold! Comedy With a Byte was born.

Schwem`s show provides a hilarious look at today`s corporate environment and the latest tools used to conduct business. What sets Schwem apart from other corporate entertainers is his ability - and willingness - to customize material for his audience while working within the parameters of the corporate environment. That means no profanity or politically incorrect material. "That`s never been a part of my show anyway," says Schwem.

When Schwem hits the stage he already has perused the company`s Internet site, combed the internal message boards and even sifted through numerous PowerPoint presentations. "There is no such thing as too much information," Schwem says. "I know corporate audiences like to laugh at themselves so the more ammunition I get, the funnier it will be. Just don`t give me a 10-K report. There is NOTHING funny about that."

Schwem`s preparation always includes a conference call with company executives and, in some cases, an onsite visit. The personal touch strikes a chord with clients. "The fact that you came up to our facility beforehand to get a feel for our culture and how we operate proved to be very beneficial, " said Skyline Display Sales VP Bill Dierberger. "I have never seen some of our corporate folks laugh as hard as they did."

After a performance for the National Insurance Crime Bureau, Human Resources VP Barbara Low said, "Your comments and insights were spot on, relevant and incredibly funny. Our employees wanted more!"

Some customized material from past shows:

For Citrix Systems: I just looked at your breakout list. You`ve scheduled "Advanced Dial Plan Design" AND "Troubleshooting Cisco Unified Call Manager and Call Manager Express" in the same day? Ladies and gentlemen, spread the FUN out!

For the Society of Actuaries: You use something called "Generally Accepted Accounting Principles." Generally accepted? Does that mean you can fudge once in awhile? Try giving your kids a generally accepted curfew of midnight and see what time they come home!

Besides customized material, Schwem entertains audiences with stories about tedious business meetings, Blackberry addiction, "frequently" asked questions and his fascination with the American Girl Doll company.

Greg is a graduate of Northwestern University`s Medill School of Journalism and a former NBC television reporter. Since making the leap to comedy, he has logged numerous appearances on Comedy Central and shared the concert stage with the likes of Celine Dion and Jay Leno. He can be heard regularly on SIRIUS Radio and writes a weekly syndicated humor column for Tribune Media Services. Greg is also the author of Text Me If You`re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad. And yes, those are his kids on the book`s cover.

Publications

Text Me If You're Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad

What does a Dad do when his eight year old asks Santa for a Wii Fit and a 4G iPhone? The answer is simple: laugh! In Text Me If You`re Breathing, stand-up comedian and technically challenged dad Greg Schwem accounts his mishaps and struggles with parenting in today`s digital world. Whether accompanying his daughter to the New York City Apple store, purchasing a high-tech swing set, tweeting while coaching Little League or trying to lay down cell phone rules, Schwem shows readers that technology, while complicated, can be hilarious.

Along the way, Schwem also aims his barbs at Tiger Woods, the Consumer Electronics Show, in vitro fertilization, the National Spelling Bee and the movie Avatar. Insightful, heartfelt and always funny, Text Me If You`re Breathing is proof that parenting will never come with technical support.

Titles

Comedy With a Byte
Greg Schwem brings more than 20 years of stand-up comedy experience to an event. His performance takes a hilarious look at today`s work environment and the technology tools we can`t live without. Following shows, audience members often approach him and say, "Thanks, we needed that" or "It`s always nice to laugh at ourselves." Greg customizes each presentation through extensive Internet research, a questionnaire, and a follow up conference call with his client. That`s why audience members also say, "You really did your homework." Besides clean customized humor, audiences hear material about "corporate" topics such as Blackberry addiction, indecipherable PowerPoint slides, and Greg`s love-hate relationship with Twitter.

Eight Simple Rules for Survival
A humorous, yet motivational talk that encourages audience members to look inside themselves and see how they can perform more efficiently. Along the way Greg tackles the pros and cons of social networking sites such as Facebook, why using photos to tout your products can backfire and why Costco is superior to its main rival Sam`s Club when it comes to customer service. (Hint: It has something to do with death). Eight Simple Rules for Survival is ideal for sales groups and any organization looking to boost performance.

High-Tech Comedian, Low-Tech Dad
Based on Greg's blog of the same name and his hilarious book, Text Me If You`re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad, this presentation takes a humorous look at the serious topic of raising kids in a confusing digital world while discussing the effects that technology may be having on today`s youth. Perfect for education groups and family organizations, Greg makes the program interactive by asking audience members to recount their worst "parent vs. child" technology incidents and then encourages discussion.

Meeting emcee/video host
A good emcee needs to multitask. He must keep the event moving, be adept at improvisation and work efficiently with all participants onstage. Greg Schwem has hosted everything from a one-hour awards ceremony for 200 BAE Systems engineers to a three-day conference for 6,000 McDonald`s restaurant managers, to a virtual webinar for IBM customers. He is equally at ease chatting with a company CEO live on stage, pronouncing (correctly) the names of awards recipients, or conducting humorous on-camera interviews with meeting attendees.