Ted Alexandro

Biography

In the fourth grade Ted Alexandro (his real name) sat next to Daisey Ramirez (not her real name), the girl he would have a crush on for the duration of his elementary school years and beyond. Each school day was gauged on whether or not Daisey adequately acknowledged him; adequate being anything more than incidental eye contact. Most days were met with disappointment but occasionally Ted skipped home after school, buoyed by the certainty that his love for Daisey wasn’t unrequited. However these moments were fleeting, as Daisey never admitted to liking Ted or any of the other boys for that matter, which raises an entirely different question altogether. To this day Ted, 30, hasn’t fully gotten over the fact that Daisey didn’t like him ("like" him, like him), which may at least partially explain why he is still single, living in the same hometown he grew up in and telling jokes for a living.

Ted "played" basketball for St. Francis Prep H.S. during his freshman and sophomore years. The team was coached by Brother Ronald Kemp (not his real name), who apparently never appreciated or understood Ted’s abilities because Ted played a total of about seven minutes during his two year stint on the team. His main contribution to the team was dubbing himself and the five or six other boys who never played "The Minute Men", a clever name he came up with to deflect attention from the fact that they weren’t really part of the team. But had Ted played and achieved greatness on the basketball court then who knows if he ever would have tearfully quit the team and joined the theater club, a move which may at least partially explain why he is still single, living in the same hometown he grew up in and telling jokes for a living.

Ted attended City College of New York to study music; specifically jazz piano. He had played piano since the age of six, but had never played or studied jazz before. Overwhelmed by the skill level and musicianship of the other students and underwhelmed by his own, Ted left C.C.N.Y. after two years and transferred to Queens College where he would get his master’s degree in elementary education while also dabbling in the theater department. Upon graduating he would then go on to teach music in NYC’s public school system for five years. While teaching music by day, Ted began his career in standup comedy by night, first as part of the outrageously funny and underappreciated duo "James and Ted" and later as a solo act. In 1997 he left teaching and committed himself fully to being single, living in the same hometown he grew up in and telling jokes for a living.

Ted still takes piano lessons, still works on his basketball game and, though he hasn’t seen or heard from her in nearly twenty years, is still trying to make Daisey like him.